I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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