Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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