she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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