I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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