Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
