she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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