quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
