It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
