Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
