When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
