i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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