I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
