In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize