I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
