New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
