His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
