i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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