By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
