I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
