I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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