I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
