Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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