i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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