I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
