I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
