did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
