North Korea, Best Korea!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
