I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
