You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
