Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
