I want to make a zoo with you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
