i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
