He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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