dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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