So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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