haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
