i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
