glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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