Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
