Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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