Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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