She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
