Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
