Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
