and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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