I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
