its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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