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Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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