sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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