No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
