He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The best revenge is premature balding
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
