so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
