Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
