I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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