Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize