Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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