My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
