I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
