I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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