Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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