someone get that fucking seahorse.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just google imaged poop.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
