How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
