I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
