so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
