miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i've created a new STD.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize