i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
