I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
