Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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