well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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