did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
