Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
