rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize