Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
