peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize