oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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