Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
