Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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