I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
