idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
