The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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