Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
