8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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