I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
