Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
