You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
