I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
