He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
