yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
