I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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