thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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